You know you're on the road when...
A Scandinavian seagull flies off with your last Marmite sandwich.
Your next gig's a burned out former squat in Lithuania.
A Spanish friend is translating a Polish fan's questions into English in Norway.
And when you're riding along with TV Smith through this, the third - and furthest travelled yet - volume in his acclaimed collection of tour diaries.
A stamping, howling feast of fun, "Tales Of The Emergency Sandwich" is the story of Punk Rock from the inside of a guitar case. From the Arctic Circle to Australia, from an ex-Soviet satellite to Blackpool beach, and from "Gary Gilmore's Eyes" to "Generation Y," this is rock'n'roll up close and personal; one man, his guitar and a bulging sackful of blistering songs that dates back to the birth of Punk.
The run of riotous classics that launched the Adverts to bored, teenaged glory is still alive and spiky, and as relevant in their 21st century reinvention as they ever were at that time; and TV remains indefatigable too, averaging over one hundred gigs a year, and Tales Of The Emergency Sandwich is your backstage pass to them all.
Even the ones where everything goes horribly wrong, and...well, it started with this seagull, you see...
Dave Thompson, author